Archive for the ‘Fun with Headlines’ Category

Worthless Paper

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

I am not a fan of the newspaper…especially our paper here. Why? Well, check this out…

This is a shot of the front page of the online edition of our paper from this afternoon. Notice the area I have circled in yellow? Let me help you. It says, “2:08pm – Porttsmouth hatching slaying case heading to grand jury”.

Um huh. First of all, the city is Portsmouth, as in the mouth of the port. Only one “t” needed really. Secondly, it was a “hatchet” slaying case. Portsmouth (one “t” or two) really wasn’t hatching a slaying case at all see? Nor were they heading to the grand jury apparently to off them all.

Yeah, I’ve never been impressed with newspapers much at all and ours has just added another nail to its coffin. Bad paper. Bad, bad paper.

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Todays’ Stupid Headlines

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

I have often said that I should go to work writing for officer.com when I retire. Today’s “Stupid Headlines” are perfect examples as to just why that is…

Pennsylvania Officer Hit by Car Thrown 35 Feet

(Wouldn’t you like to get a look at the dude that threw that car 35 feet?)

Four Killed in Texas Mobile Home Hangings

(I’m not even going to go there)

This might sound a little like I’m picking on cops because…well, I guess I am…but I’ve been a cop for a LOOOOOONNNGGGG time so I have a right to speak my mind and try to dispel the stereotype of “dumb cops”. Stuff like this certainly doesn’t help though.

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The Headline of the Day

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

Here’s a headline for you:

3 American Women Briefly Kidnapped and Released

I’m not sure but I think here in the United States we call that a “date”.

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Fun with Headlines

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

I saw this headline on my Google desktop today:

And I thought to myself:

Then I read the article and THEY MISSED THE WHOLE POINT! No, no, no, the risk of injury is not to the woman…the risk of injury is to men, other women, children, and the public in general! I think I can even go as far as to say that the risk of injury in many, many menstrual cycle cases is pretty much guaranteed.

Are you with me ladies? Have you not felt the inescapable impulse to do great bodily harm at certain times of the month? Have you not felt that every one of your actions would be legally justifiable given the circumstance and the intended victim’s misguided judgement that caused them to get in your way in the first place?

Injury to the woman? PSHAW!!

Sorry Aunt Joyce but I am going there. :D

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Headline Time!

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006

Check out this Paris Hilton headline…

Here’s what I have to say about that…

Go Shanna. Go Shanna. It’s your birthday. It’s your birthday…

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Today’s Stupid Headline

Friday, September 15th, 2006

Look what I found on my Google homepage this morning! I don’t know but I think maybe someone skipped spelling in school. :)

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Now Here’s a Headline for You!!

Saturday, September 9th, 2006

Translation?

“Teenage Survey Lying at Record High”

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Today’s Stupid Headline

Wednesday, September 6th, 2006

From this morning’s Google homepage

So tell me…have you yourself ever seen a pregnant man (migrant or otherwise)? Methinks women pretty much form them ALL.

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Fun with Headlines

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006

This gem was on my Google homepage this morning.

You know, you really have to be careful about those exploding turkeys. It can certainly make for a fowl situation. Aw come on, you wouldn’t have let that one get away either!

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Moron

Monday, May 15th, 2006

Headline: Teacher Has Kids Write About Whom They’d Murder

Translation: Can You Say Premeditated Boys and Girls?

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