bonecollector

My Aunt Frances sent this my way. Of course, I tend to call her “Uncle Frank”…makes her giggle.

Tennessee Ten Commandments

Some people in Tennessee have trouble with all those “shalls” and “shall nots” in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren’t used to talking in those terms. So, some folks in middle Tennessee got together and translated the “King James” into “Jackson County” language…no joke, read on…

The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro, TN.)

(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin’ tales or gossipin’
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin’
(5) Put nothin’ before God
(6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal
(7) No killin’
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don’t take what ain’t yers
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Now that’s kinda plain an’ simple, don’t ya think? Y’all have a nice day.

{Confidential to Say-rah – Maybe Stephanie can teach this version to the folks over yonder!}

Here’s a special shout out and dedication to my Soul Sister Twin who decided to wear a shorts jumpsuit to work today with her skinny legged self. There has been no end to the jokes. This is for you Sweetie…With much love…

How Cool is that?

Spelling Bee – Watch more funny videos here

Here’s some bloopers of some folks on TV who couldn’t seem to get a grip on themselves long enough to stop laughing. Pretty funny stuff…

Very Funny – The best home videos are here

Thanks to Aunt Joyce for this funny…

Here’s what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

Bubba said: “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.”

So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, “Shingles.”

The doctor asked, “Where?”

Bubba said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em??”

Thanks to Lynnie Lou for this one!

They Walk among us!

I walked into a Burger King with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free”.

“They’re already buy-one-get-one-free”, she said, “so I guess they’re both free”.

She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They walk among us and many work retail.

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said, “Where?”

They Walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?”

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

They Walk Among Us!!

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

They Walk Among Us!

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me,”has your plane arrived yet?”

They Walk Among Us!

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While at a Pizza Hut I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

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Some may even vote…AND…they reproduce!