Archive for April, 2007

Go Upside Their Heads

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007

When I was a bit younger, someone (I don’t remeber who) gave me a Dammit Doll. Ever seen one? Mine looked almost exactly like this one:

Dammit Dolls are awesome because you really can go upside someone’s head with it and not do any “real” bodily harm. Are you paying attention here SilverBlue? The dolls even come with a little ditty…

Whenever things don’t go so well…
And you want to hit the wall and yell…
Here’s a little dammit doll
That you can’t do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, “DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!”

Hey, if you want to make yourself or someone else a Dammit Doll, just click the doll’s picture above for instructions. Then…SLAM IT, SLAM IT, SLAM IT!

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You Should Be Dancing…Yeah!

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007

Whoa, the judges were downright mean on Dancing with the Stars last night. Some of their comments were well deserved but some seemed to border on cruel. Here’s my take on it all.

I have not enjoyed Joey Fatone at all since day one of this season. His ridiculous joking and kidding around was way overboard and certainly colored my opinion of him. Last night, that all changed for me. He intended to go out on the floor and act right, with no gimmicks and…WOW! He nailed the Paso Doble (which just happens to be my favorite dance of them all). He was far and away the shining star last night and we finally have a breakaway leader.

I also enjoyed Apolo Ohyeah. His waltz was absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to see him take on the Paso Doble. He and his partner have such chemistry. I still think he can give the leader a run for his money.

I’m not sure what’s happening with Laila. I think she has such a strong fighter spirit that simply being “the cape” to the dominant bullfighter was a level she just couldn’t stoop to at all. I still like her for the finals but she needs to step it up in a big way.

Heather was pretty boring last night to me. They say you are supposed to dance the Waltz with a serene look on your face but she looked like she sucked a lemon through the whole routine.

Ian has not impressed me in earlier episodes and he followed suit last night as well. He seems like a really nice guy but his dancing talents are lacking, in my most humble opinion. I don’t see him going out the door anytime soon but I don’t think he’ll be around for the long run either.

Billy Ray was not all that good but he wasn’t all that bad either. It is obvious that he has great respect for his partner and he is truly trying. I do wish he would cut that ridiculous hair though.

I don’t know what John Ratzenberg was trying to do but it fell way, way short. He resembled Frankenstein trying to grope his way through the darkness. It was pitiful…so pitiful.

The judges’ comments to Leeza were very harsh but she really didn’t do so well this time. She is just so stiff and, when left to dance on her own, she couldn’t cut it. It did bother me that her children were in the audience and heard the not so nice remarks.

Clyde is a story unto himself. Apparently, he is not dedicated to practicing or to even showing up on time. His dance movements do all look the same and I definitely get a sense that he is not trying. He pretty much made it clear that he would rather be golfing.

I think tonight’s elimination will come down to John, Leeza, or Clyde. My pick would be either John or Clyde. I think Leeza has one more week in her. Tune in tonight.

By the way, did you happen to catch one of Joey Fatone’s supporters in the audience? It was Carlton from The Fresh Prince! How cool is that? Maybe he will join the show next year.

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Big News

Friday, April 6th, 2007

The Kid (my neice, a.k.a. Barbara Jean) and Baby Boy (my name for her fella) are officially engaged. Yup, Baby Boy put a pile of diamonds on her finger and now the race to the finish line is on! The date will be in 2009.

Back to the rock. Good Lord that thing is beyond huge! It is something like 2.4 carats and could blind a person with the sparkle. I, of course, had to proclaim that it was nothing more than Cubic Zirconia. Just kidding. It really is beautiful. I do, however, have a concern. I’m afraid the sheer size of the gem is going to neccessitate that The Kid carry her arm around in a sling so as not to pull any muscles or throw her back out.

She’s happy…he’s good to her…they have my blessing. :D

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What a Day

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

I really wanted to go to Maunday Thursday service at church tonight but I was too wiped out. I spent the entire afternoon waiting in the court building for the case to be heard between Unreliable Contractor Man and his soon to be ex-wife Psychocondriac. Back in October I won a judgement against them in Civil Court for unfinished and shoddy construction work at my home. I paid them before they finished because they were going on vacation and we were friends…I thought. That old adage about never doing business with friends…it really is good advice.

Anyway, I won the judgement but they never moved an inch to pay me. I even put a lien on their house and property but still no payment. Well, Unreliable Contractor Man called me Monday, out of the blue. We had not spoken at all since court in October. He told me that Psychocondriac had left him again (yes, again) and that they had a court date set for today to haggle over the income tax return. Unreliable Contractor Man told me to come to court and he would ask the judge to allow me to have the bulk of the income tax to pay off their debt to me. Psychocondriac had no idea I was going to be there. Oh joy.

Court was backed up so we waited…and waited…and waited. Remember, Psychocondriac did not know I was there for their case so I was avoiding Unreliable Contractor Man and trying to stay out of her line of vision. Finally, the case was called.

As I sat in the back of the courtroom, I was absolutely stunned to see that Psychocondriac had no teeth. NO TEETH! She is much younger than I am and she had a mouth full of teeth the last time I saw her. The woman had NO TEETH!

She stood in front of the judge wiggling around like a gummie worm saying she was in a tremendous amount of pain in her back and had applied for Social Security Disability. She also said it was stemming from broken ribs she received nearly two years ago when Unreliable Contractor Man supposedly threw her down the hall in their house. Now, mind you, we were all still friends then and she told me her very self that she broke her ribs when she fell off a ladder at one of their job sites. They had their own handyman type of business at the time. She knows I’m a cop…if he had really broken her ribs, why wouldn’t she have told me so?

Apparently, she has since become rather addicted to prescription drugs and is taking a truckload full and getting prescriptions from several different places. Just looking at her or listening to her talk, it is quite obvious that she isn’t all there. Somehow, the removal of her choppers is all wrapped up in that addiction as well.

Anyway, this situation got even more tangled in court today and the judge set another date for June to try to figure all their mess out. She is also trying to do all she can legally to get me my money. Unreliable Contractor Man told the judge he promised me payment and wants to follow through. Psychocondriac said she did not make that promise. She does, however, have a judgement against her on my behalf that is legally binding for ten years and she best believe that I will not let it go.

Can you understand now why I was fried by the time I got home? I ate some dinner, crawled up into my chair and became unconscious. Tomorrow is a new day and I will hopefully make it to the Good Friday service.

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Oops

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

Okay, so it wasn’t bye bye Clyde…it was see ya’ Shandi. I can live with that.

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Bye Bye Clyde

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Dancing with the Stars last night was…well, it was odd. I believe Clyde and Shandi will be the bottom two tonight with Clyde headed out the door. He tries but it just isn’t enough. He’s simply too lanky to make all of his body parts do what they should at the same time and in rhythm. Shandi? Well, she’s just kind of boring. Her flamboyant boy partner doesn’t help matters much when he out sparkles her 2 to 1. He needs to step down to her level just a little instead of trying to drag her ordinary self up to his.

Apparently the judges were smoking crack because their scores and comments, for the most part, didn’t make sense…at least not to me. I will never understand penalizing the celebrity for technical no-no’s which are completely the responsibility of the professional dancer. For instance, Laila got whacked down big time for breaking the hold in the Tango which is apparently grounds for execution. Laila doesn’t know the rules for these dances…that’s what her professional partner is all about. He choreographed the dance so why should she be penalized for following his lead? She is still my favorite among the ladies.

Speaking of crack, wasn’t the back of Leeza Gibbons’ dress cut just a bit too low? I was quite concerned that we were going to get a bit more than we bargained for before her Tango was over.

Joey’s Star Wars Tango was over the top for me. I didn’t care for it at all and felt it cheapened the mystique of the Tango. The judges, however, liked it. Again, on crack.

Heather Mills blew me away once again. The woman leaped off the stage…leaped!!! She has a fake leg and she leaped off the stage!! How cool is that? She knew she would never be able to do the Jive on the leg she had so she went to the prosthetic guy and had him fix her up a new one that had some bounce to it. She was amazing! She even wore a skirt for her routine. She really danced a good number. I am in awe of this woman. You go girl.

Poor, poor Billy Ray. He is still tons better than his first performance but his Tango was painful to watch. At least we know he can count and he did just that through his entire routine. John was entertaining and he is obviously really trying to do a good job but he’s just not that good either. I do think he will out last Billy Ray Swamp Bear though.

Those cracked up judges called Apolo sloppy and praised Ian. I’m at a loss to explain that. Ian looked to me like he was chasing Cheryl all over the floor just trying to keep up with her. I love to watch Apolo dance. He seems to be having an absolute ball. He is, by far, my favorite among the men this season.

So, that’s my take. Let’s watch tonight and see what happens.

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