Archive for May, 2007

Sir Honker

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

I do believe I am going to have to slip into ninja stealth mode and take out one of my neighbors. Sir Honker comes home every night at 11:00 sharp. How do I know that Sir Honker comes home every night at 11:00 sharp? Because Sir Honker feels it is necessary to use his keyless entry remote to lock his vehicle and his keyless entry remote causes the vehicle’s horn to honk to signify that it is indeed locked…every night at 11:00 sharp.

Some of you may be wondering why this would even be a problem at all. Well, let me explain. The BoneCollector has to get up at 6:30 every morning to go to work. The BoneCollector is in bed well before 11:00 sharp every night. The BoneCollector is dead asleep when Sir Honker decides to notify the neighborhood of his safe arrival home.

I have often thought that I should just throw open the window and holler out a welcome home to Sir Honker so he could know just how happy I really am that he made it back home safely. You know, I could say…”Dude! So glad you’re home. Thanks for letting EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US KNOW!”

However, since anonymity is of the utmost importance in times like these, I think I will stick to the ninja stealth mode. I could be lurking in the shadows at 10:58 sharp. Two minutes of lurking is plenty. No need to overdo it here. When Sir Honker pulls up, I will level my paintball gun…you didn’t think it would be a real one did you?…and as soon as he hits that ridiculous keyless entry remote…WHAP…I’ll let him have it. It could be reminiscent of the opening scenes of that old TV classic Ironsides. Muhahahahaha.

Yep. It’s a plan!

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Wiggling with the Twinklers

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

Dancing With The Stars last night was great! In my book, the front-runner is still Laila Ali. She was amazing! I’d like to see her take the whole thing.

Apolo seemed a little off to me last night. Don’t get me wrong, he was still good but he seemed to have gotten lost a time or two. I do enjoy watching him though. He is extremely entertaining and comes off as a really pleasant kind of guy.

What was the deal with that jumbo alien vein sticking out of the middle of Ian’s forehead? Good Lord, he looked like an extra on Star Trek, The Next Generation. I know the dude really tries but his posture is awful and I think he truly has no idea. He thinks he is turning in stellar performances…yeah, not so much.

I actually enjoyed John’s first dance very much. It seemed to fit him perfectly and he did a really nice job. The second dance fell way, WAY short for me. At least the judges weren’t so harsh with him this week. {By the way, did any of you think Len and Bruno were going to come to blows before it was over last night? Wow.}

Joey is really good but Joey really gets on my nerves too. That’s just a personal take, I know, but I wonder if that very type of thought might be what gives Laila the edge over him when push comes to shove. Sophistication and class versus the class clown.

Billy Ray Swamp Bear…poor little fella…it is time for him to go about his merry way. With the competition that is left, he is just so far below their capabilities that it is almost sad. No, it is sad, very sad.

So I think Billy Ray should get voted off tonight but I fear that his fan base will save him and John will find the door. Could go either way. Obviously, neither of these fellas is going to be around much longer so it’s really just a question of which one gets voted off first.

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