Archive for September, 2008

I’m Just Saying…

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

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Adventures with Sylvia

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

Oh, my lovelies, I’m so hopelessly and deeply lost in love. Yes, I am. The object of my utmost affection? Please, meet Sylvia…

Is she not gorgeous? Sigh. She is a Garmin Nuvi 350 GPS and I just cannot imagine my life without her! Sylvia, Sylvia, wherefore art we Sylvia?

Okay, okay, all kidding aside…and maybe I’m not really kidding…this thing is great! I got Sylvia from just before a trip Inspector Gadget and I had to take to Lynchburg this summer on Smurf business. Neither one of us had ever been to that part of the globe and had no clue how to get to where we had to be. Inspector Gadget showed up when it was time to leave with a handful of MapQuest directions. I showed up with Sylvia. She took us right to the front door of the hotel and it was so cool.

The Garmin folks say the little female voice inside that speaks American English to us is Jill but my little silver wonder is clearly a Sylvia. Don’t ask me how I know…I just do.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind though.

1. Do keep your Garmin plugged in. When the battery goes it goes without warning.

I didn’t realize this and even without an initial charge, Sylvia took us almost all the way to Lynchburg with the juice she came with straight out of the box. Of course she totally left us right at a most inopportune time and we then became the comedy duo of the decade as I tried to drive the Smurf Mobile while Inspector Gadget tried to fumble through the bags in the back seat to find the car charger for Sylvia. He finally pulled a charger from my backpack, plugged one end into Sylvia and promptly discovered that the other end goes into a wall socket! Good Lord! At this point I guessed which exit to take while he fished out another charger. Ah, the joys of technology. He finally found the right charger, plugged it in and Sylvia fired right back up as if she had never missed a beat. By the way, the exit I guessed at turned out to be the right one…whew!

2. Don’t try to second-guess your Garmin…it will get an attitude.

I found out quickly that if I missed a turn or jumped the gun and turned too quickly, Sylvia would say, “Recalculating”. That doesn’t seem so bad but it’s the way she says it. She gets so exasperated. You can almost hear what she really meant to say, “Harrumph, recalculating, you idiot!” I always try to remember to stroke her ego and tell Sylvia how wonderful she is and thank her every time she speaks to me. It’s a fine idea to stay on her good side. Sylvia knows her stuff so I’ve learned to trust her. She’ll get me where I need to be.

I’ll be sharing more about me and my adventures with Sylvia as time goes on. She is awesome and I can’t wait to see what our future together holds.

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What He Said…What I Heard

Friday, September 5th, 2008

I watched John McSame’s acceptance speeches last night. No that wasn’t a typo. It did seem to be several different, fractured speeches sort of stitched together to make one very confusing, “what are you talking about” speech but, maybe that’s just me.

Anywho, I caught myself in this predicament…

What he said (and I will be paraphrasing since I can’t possibly recount it verbatim): I remember when I was five years old and a man pulled up in front of our house…

What I heard: I remember when I was five years old and a fella pulled up in front of our cabin…

What he said: …and rolled down the window of his automobile…

What I heard: …and threw up the flap on the stagecoach he was riding in…

What he said: …and told my Dad the Japanese had just bombed Pearl Harbor.

What I heard: …and told my Pa the Apaches had just attacked the Fort.

I know. I’m an evil little somebody but I just couldn’t help it. Something had to give! He seemed so lost at first. So out of sorts. So unsure. So up waaay past his bedtime. Then! Then! He finally does get some fire but it’s all directed at endorsing Annie Oakley. I was even more confused then. It was almost like he forgot he was the one running for president, not her. Or is she? Hmmm. Inquiring minds.

The only time he really had any honest to goodness passion was at the end with the whole POW part. I will give him his props there. I have tremendous respect for what he went through and the stamina and courage he put forth through it all. He deserves the undying gratitude of every single American on this planet for his sacrifice.

My gratitude he has. My vote? Not so much.

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…Lose My Soul

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

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Gotta Eat!

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

I guess folks in Iowa think their Smurfs can be bought real cheap. Seems the 25 year old drunk fella in this story thought he could get out of the whole driving under the influence thing by trying to bribe the arresting Smurf with the offer of a free sub. It didn’t work. Oh my. Imagine that. Maybe he should have gone for the combo meal… :D

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Annie, Get Your Gun

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

And now, I will weigh in…

Apparently in a rousing game of Pin the Tail on the Elephant, John McCain and his merry band of supporters decided to “pick a woman, any woman” in an ill-advised effort to placate the fairer sex and win their version of an historic election. Have you lost your mind?

Yes, that was a rhetorical question. You see Mr. McSame Ol’ Thing, us womenfolk care a little more about what’s going on in the world than to just be all giddy about finally having one of our very own in the White House. And seriously??? Annie Oakley??? What’s up with that? What an affront to every woman, everywhere.

Sarah honey, your family needs you a whole lot more than this country needs you right about now. Don’t be fooled by McSame Ol’Thing and Cindy McBarbie. They don’t care about you or your family. They just see you as a means to an end and you and yours are completely dispensable.

Just my thoughts…Agree or disagree…My blog…My right.

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To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Monday, September 1st, 2008

The stuff that dreams are made of…you know…stupid stuff…things that make no sense…but you go along for the ride because it’s just a dream. But then, right in the middle of all the nonsense, right in the middle of peanut butter and jelly carousels and the Skipper and Gilligan, you show up…and I have to look twice…because you do make sense in a nonsensical sort of way.

You are you. The real you…not the faux you that came back from the war missing parts of your soul…missing big parts of your soul. You’re you. The you I left standing on the pier that night just after 9-11, watching you get smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror as I drove away and the darkness got bigger and bigger all around you. An omen, to be sure. I didn’t know it then. Neither did you. How could we? How could anyone?

You got on that ship and it carried you across the ocean and seas and sucked the life right out of you and I was here. I was home…but I knew. I didn’t want to know but deep in a place I didn’t want to go I could feel it happening. You told me about it once. You told me about the unbearable moment when you couldn’t reconcile your faith with the job you had to do out there anymore and you let go. You let go…and you got lost…and now…after all this time…you keep showing up in my dreams.

The part that has me so upside down is that you aren’t lost anymore…in my dreams. You tell me you’ve found you’re way and you’re back and everything that was lost is restored and it…all…makes…sense…you even tell me I came to the crazy part of the dream for you…to find you…and it is true that after you appear all the craziness stops….but…???…

I can feel you and I can touch you and we fit and I don’t want to wake up…damn, I don’t want to wake up…but I do…and you’re not there…not really…but I still feel you. How can something that feels so real only be a dream?

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