Sir Honker

I do believe I am going to have to slip into ninja stealth mode and take out one of my neighbors. Sir Honker comes home every night at 11:00 sharp. How do I know that Sir Honker comes home every night at 11:00 sharp? Because Sir Honker feels it is necessary to use his keyless entry remote to lock his vehicle and his keyless entry remote causes the vehicle’s horn to honk to signify that it is indeed locked…every night at 11:00 sharp.

Some of you may be wondering why this would even be a problem at all. Well, let me explain. The BoneCollector has to get up at 6:30 every morning to go to work. The BoneCollector is in bed well before 11:00 sharp every night. The BoneCollector is dead asleep when Sir Honker decides to notify the neighborhood of his safe arrival home.

I have often thought that I should just throw open the window and holler out a welcome home to Sir Honker so he could know just how happy I really am that he made it back home safely. You know, I could say…”Dude! So glad you’re home. Thanks for letting EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US KNOW!”

However, since anonymity is of the utmost importance in times like these, I think I will stick to the ninja stealth mode. I could be lurking in the shadows at 10:58 sharp. Two minutes of lurking is plenty. No need to overdo it here. When Sir Honker pulls up, I will level my paintball gun…you didn’t think it would be a real one did you?…and as soon as he hits that ridiculous keyless entry remote…WHAP…I’ll let him have it. It could be reminiscent of the opening scenes of that old TV classic Ironsides. Muhahahahaha.

Yep. It’s a plan!

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