Prophesy

The Great Prophetess Helen (a.k.a. Aunt Joyce) warned me that my impending furniture delivery could very well be delayed. She was right in her prophecy. Ohhhhhh, she must have powers! Be afraid. Be very afraid!

I received a phone call this morning from Walter at Value City Furniture telling me that my new couch is not going to make it into the hemisphere until the end of June. It was supposed to grace my living space this very weekend. Harumph.

I advised Walter that I was less than pleased with this news especially given the fact that I had already given away my old couch in anticipation of the arrival of my new one. Therefore, an emptiness permeates my living space as we speak. Walter, this is not good.

Walter was ever so sorry. Walter apologized profusely. Walter was apparently reading from a script. I interrupted Walter. Let me put it like this Walter. I bought this furniture three weeks ago Walter. I paid cash for this furniture Walter. You are enjoying my cash but I am not enjoying your furniture Walter. Do you see the problem here Walter? Walter, I need to be compensated. Hmmm, an ottoman would be nice. Walter said he would call me right back. Walter did just that.

Walter advised me that his manager offered me the choice of free delivery or $75.00 off my order. Now Walter, how can you folks offer me free delivery on stuff I wasn’t having delivered? Does that even enter into the realm of reasonable in your world? Walter offered to let me talk to the manager myself. I, of course, accepted. His name was also Walter. How convenient is that?

Allow me to cut to the chase here. After Walter the II and I were finished, we had reached an understanding. It goes a little something like this. I will get my chair this Saturday just as scheduled. The ottoman, which I wasn’t even getting at first and was originally priced at $249.99, will be going home with me this Saturday for $150.00, with scotch guarding thrown in for free. The couch should still be landing sometime in June. I think the Walters will be taking the day off on Saturday. Muhahahaha.

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