It is absolutely eye-opening when you realize that you are never going to get there. Never. You have spent your entire life trying to reach that point of acceptance when, finally, you realize that it just isn’t going to happen. The people you want it from the most are never going to give it to you. So why is it that you keep trying?
Why is it that you keep running headlong into the same briar patch knowing that the pain is going to be the same in the end? When push comes to shove, you will be the one shoved. If someone is going to be given the benefit of the doubt, it will not be you. You are dispensable, expendable, not necessary, inconsequential, unimportant, insignificant…and now you know it without any hesitation or uncertainty. It has been blatantly proven too many times to be ignored any longer.
What is most mind-boggling is the fact that the self-same people who will not grant you the approval you so desperately long for actually fought this very battle themselves…also to no avail. One would think they would understand the misery and unhappiness such a station in life produces and not be willing to pass it along. Then again, you live what you learn and you learn what you live. The lesson was well taught.