As any good southerner knows, striking a match is the best form of air purification in a certain room of the house…work with me here. Anywho, last night, as I began the pruification process in the bathroom…uh, uh, I mean library, I had a bit of a misfire.
You see, I prefer the large kitchen matches…the wooden stick ones. Well, apparently I am much stronger than I thought or this was just a particularly weak match, but the tip of the match flew off in a blaze of glory like so many meteors streaking through the night sky. “Whoops”, I said, trying to shrug off the mishap. I immediately noticed a smalll brown spot on the linoleum floor and realized it was actually a tiny burn spot. “Hmmm…this is not so bad. This floor needs replacing anyway.” How’s that for optimism…rosy glasses…the whole shebang?
As I looked back towards the throne to try another purification launch, I noticed a good sized black spot on the roll of toilet paper. Yup, the meteor was slowly burning its way through the double layers. Apparently, the spot on the floor was just a little debris, like sponge stuff falling off the shuttle. The bulk of the comet hit the toilet paper. Thank God for Cottonelle.
At least I didn’t burn the house down. Flaming toilet paper may have been a little hard to explain.